BLOG

Finding the Essential You

We all are the sum total of the messaging we have received from our parents, family, friends, and society. Decades of the same message or an intense, sharp, or emotional encounter or event can cause us to create a belief system about ourselves. It may not be true or valid but if we hear it enough or it is traumatic enough, it can rewrite our internal understanding of who we are.  It can decide what is acceptable for those around us to see and what we can show to others. Thus, we begin to hide parts of ourselves from others. Eventually with long practice of maintaining this hidden part, it may become concealed from ourselves as well.

We can excavate our essential selves out from these layers of imposed beliefs and opinions but it means we must first become aware that they exist. Perhaps our health becomes compromised or a significant relationship ends or slips away. We lose our jobs or they no longer seem to have any meaning. We may find ourselves longing to be anywhere other than where we are. Would a new job, relationship, or environment make us feel better? Sometimes that helps, but if the underlying cause of our discontent is that we have covered over our inner true self, then it won’t last very long.

Awareness is actually the beginning step of any fundamental change we wish to make, regardless of the subject. We start to sense that some other way of being is possible or that our lives need a shift. Maybe we become listless, bored, or unsatisfied with how our day-to-day existence is proceeding. The cognizance of something no longer being on track may catapult us into searching for the reason.

How, then, do we uncover what we may have hidden?

One of the most accessible ways to discover that we are not being truthfully ourselves is through physical sensations. Is there a part of our body that seems to be drawing our attention through pain, tightness, or injury? Do we often get earaches or stub the same toe regularly? After ruling out an organic cause, we may discover that our shoulders and upper back are holding the weight of our family’s responsibilities. Or that our constant acid reflux is a result of feeling like a scapegoat for others’ bullying. If we can go beneath the physical symptoms, we may be able listen to what our bodies are telling us.

Focusing in on the afflicted area through meditation or deep breathing allows our minds to explore what might be at the heart of the discomfort. We may hear the whispered messages that our body wants to tell us; for example, that we are not responsible for the family’s woes or that we are no longer children vulnerable to bullying. Perhaps we can jettison those ancient absorbed beliefs and find relief from the physical symptoms of those outmoded paradigms of ourselves. We can then carve those no longer hidden false parts of ourselves away.

It takes courage and persistence to undo the brainwashing we incurred as vulnerable youngsters. After all, we have carried the misleading beliefs about ourselves for quite some time. It may even feel like “home” to continue to live our lives under the false paradigm that we have been modeling. To step into a new concept of who we are might feel scary. We may have to practice over and over again in order to instill the new version of ourselves into a reliable and believable pattern of behavior. However, undeniably, the more you are fearlessly yourself, the healthier you will be.